Hitler and the Hanyous
by Raven Dhancer
Summary: The Wardrobe connects with the Feudal Era and Hitler, actually Rudolph Hess lol, wants Naraku's help! IYxLWW
1. In Which the Well Has a Very Busy Day!

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Narnia are the property of the respective copyright holders.**

**Chapter1: In Which the Well Has a Very Busy Day!**

**by Raven Dhancer**

Lucy panicked! None of the doors would open, 'Ah, finally.' She slipped inside the barren room. The only furniture was a foreign looking wardrobe.

Right outside the door, "I'm sure I saw Lucy come this way."

'Right! The wardrobe it is then,' she opened it to find lots of colorful, looking robe-y things, 'We can play dress up with these later.' Shutting the door behind her, she slipped past the silken material to the back, hoping they would hide her from "It." The cupboard seemed much deeper than it had looked, past the robes she still couldn't feel the back, or see it as it was dark as a moonless night.

There was a flash of blue! When the spots cleared from her eyes, Lucy found herself at the bottom of a dirty hole with, ewww, bones in it, open to a very blue sky.

Somebody peered in at her, "Oi, who are you and what are you doing down there? You better come up. Inuyasha will be pissed if you're there when he and Kagome get back."

Getting out of the hole seemed like a good plan especially since there was no door clearly marked "wardrobe" so Lucy laboriously climbed up the vines. Out, she finally got a good look at the person. He had red hair, cute pointed ears, cuter little furry feet and cutest of all, a big bushy tail. Lucy squeed with delight and picked Shippou, for that's who it was, up and gave him a big squeeze, "Who are you? What are you? Besides the most adorable thing I've ever seen?"

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Susan was bored. It was an unusually hot day and she was lying on her bed playing with her clockwork teddy bear, Mr. Stiffy. Mr. Stiffy was her favorite, but she had been doing this for a while now and Mr. Stiffy was a little short on creativity, as well as being a little short in general. She put on a dress and went out to find somebody life-sized to play with.

Ten minutes later she was leading the gardener Mr. Higurashi, who couldn't believe his luck, down one of the upstairs halls. "Dear Forum" he thought feverishly, "I never thought this would ever happen to me..."

She lead him into the small room with the wardrobe. The door was barely closed when she turned and gave him a kiss that moved him up onto the balls of feet. He pressed up against her trying to feel her from his head to his toes. She wrapped her arms around him leaning back against the wardrobe for support.

The doors of the wardrobe held for about 10 seconds, normally long enough one of Susan's boyfriends, but Mr. Higurashi was made of stronger stuff. They fell backwards. "Goddamn flat-pack furniture!" she thought before they made a soft landing in fur coats and scarves. A bit of rearrangement and they were off to the races.

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Naraku awakened when he sensed a presence arrive in his realm. He could feel Kagome come and go, and what with Pocky runs for Shippo and Miroku's yakisoba habit, Naraku hadn't had a decent night's sleep in years. This was different though. It wasn't a steady presence. It was here then gone. Here, gone, here, gone, here, gone, here, gone, faster now, here-gone-here-gone-here-gone-here-gone-here-gone-here-gone-HERE-HERE-HERE and ... gone. It was gone. Naraku rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. Here ... gone ... here ... gone ...

With a blistering curse that light his bedside lamps, he rose and prepared to go forth and see what the hell was going on.

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Edmund enjoyed spying. Spying on his sister with the middle-aged groundskeeper seemed a perfect way to spend the afternoon.

He followed the two down the winding hallways of the old mansion, keeping just out of sight. As they settled against an old wardrobe, Edmund risked a peek at the two lovers and almost laughed at the funny smile on the man's face. Edmund smacked his gum gleefully as the Susan and her new friend tumbled into the wardrobe. He allowed himself a giggle at this. Witnessing his sister's humiliation had left him feeling brave.

"Susan, that's what you get," he yelled into the wardrobe.

Silence.

Thinking the two must have knocked themselves out, he leaned in for a peek. "Susan, Mr. Higu…gu…ranchi," he whispered and pushed farther into the wardrobe.

You know the rest. However, instead of the White Witch, there was a striking, dark-haired, but no less sinister man who called himself Naraku.

"You want what?"

"Turkish Delight. I adore the stuff."

Edmund held out his grubby palm expectantly.

Nararku looked over at Kanna and shrugged. He placed something cool and sparkly against Edmund's hand. When the boy reached down to pick it up and have a look, the sparkling shard had disappeared.

"What was that? Wha… where'd it go," he asked as he inspected his empty right hand.

Naraku narrowed his ruby-tinted orbs at the boy. "Return to your world and bring your brothers and sisters to me. Do not fail me."

Edmund nodded, feeling strangely compelled to obey.

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At first, Lucy had a very nice afternoon with Shippou. He pulled out some of his drawings, which were really good, though she didn't understand why they were of a cat and a dog at first. Then they colored together while eating Pocky.

After a while, when the Pocky was gone, there was a big ruckus. She looked up from her drawings to see a very scary boy, he had fangs and claws, dragging her disheveled sister by her collar with one hand and the equally disheveled gardener with the other. She was pretty sure that the words the scary boy was saying to her sister weren't appropriate for a girl of her tender years so she was eagerly committing them to memory for future reference. A pretty Chinese girl was with there, too but she wasn't saying anything, just staring at the gardener.

The gardener was struggling and doing weird hand movements like a combination of patty cake and rude gestures with himself, "Demon begone! I command you!"

"Old man! You're just pissing me off!" the scary boy snarled.

"That's Inuyasha. He's only a half demon, not a full demon like me," remarked Shippou puffing out his chest, such as it was.

The Chinese girl said, "Is that really you, Jii-chan? Why are you cavorting with this trollop," Susan looked offended, "and since when could you go through the well?"

"Witch, do not be so familiar to me and at least she," nodding at Susan, "doesn't consort with demons."

The Chinese girl almost growled, "I haven't been consorting with anybody!" She didn't look too happy about it either.

**TBC**


	2. Unicorns, Demons and Nazis, Oh My!

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Narnia are the property of the respective copyright holders.**

**Chapter2: Unicorns, Demons and Nazis, Oh My!**

**by Raven Dhancer**

Naraku arrived back at the castle in a fowl mood. It had all been going so well! He had patted little Ed-something on the head and sent him off to seduce his friends and family and then he had come back to see Inuyasha trying to steal his sled. The bastard was already onboard! Then some Japanese who looked vaguely familiar came out of the woods and started to talk to Inuyasha. Then he climded in too. Damn!

He started toward the sled, sending tentacles ahead of him. Inuyasha rose to standing and was about to draw his sword when a foreign woman (AN: who any fool could see was well past the age of consent, which is why the family got shipped out of London) came out of the woods.

"Oo!" she sqeelled, "Unicorns! So Cute!" She drew near to pet them. (AN: The sled had come with reindeer as stock, but Naraku had seen the unicorns on "Pimp My Sled" and liked them. He also got the fake fur seat covers and fuzzy dice.)

This seemed a mistake. The unicorns reared and screamed and bolted. Inuyasha flipped neatly over the front seat and landed on his ass in the back. The man managed to reach out and grabbed the woman and pull her on board, but that just made the unicorns madder. They pulled the sled twice round the clearing past the befuddled Naraku and then headed off over a hill.

Naraku started to walk home.

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Edmund approached Peter.

"I say Peter! I have a wonderful gem to show you."

"That's ripping!" said Peter. "Where-ever did you find such a splendid bauble?"

"Oh, Peter old chum" said Edmund coyly, "It's a present from my new chum, the evil master! I must introduce you so he can enslave you!"

Crap! thought Edmund, I wasn't supposed to say that.

"Sounds Top-pip!" said Peter, "It's jolly boring around here, don't cha know! You lead the way and I'll follow on behind. Lay on McDuff, what!"

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Home Guard Sergeant-Major John Smith leaned on one elbow and trained his glasses on the old manor in the hollow. He could just see the corner of his objective through one of the windows of an upper room nearly opposite him. He sighed, nearly two years posing as a Home Guard officer for the village of Toot on the Batch and it was almost at an end. His true name was Johann, Johann Jacob Jingleheimr-Schmdit to be exact. Son of a Germen father and an English mother who had abandoned her Burlesque troop during a particularly bad run on the Continent to marry the best bet going. She had soon abandoned her growing family declaring that five children in four years were enough. Last they had heard, she had joined the French resistance.

His boyhood spent in the Hitler youth groups had been idyllic, those hikes in the woods, those Deutscher Mädels with their golden pig tails, those provocative black shorts on every one strong young body…Now, all he had was…

"Sir!" the young village recruit interrupted his musings. "We've cleared the field and just managed to drive the professors prize bull off of it. Are you sure they were expecting use to practice maneuvers today sir? They usually lock up the livestock."

"All in a days training, the bull was supposed to be a tank."

"Oh, I see! They must've forgot the sign. Like on the bridge that was supposed to be destroyed."

"Yes, exactly."

"So what's our objective today sir?"

"Here, Corporal, take these glasses. See that wardrobe through the window on the second floor? That's our objective."

"Ah, I see…The wardrobe?"

"It's full of spies. We are to obtain it and ship it back to headquarters."

"They're getting ruddy clever with these training sessions for war time maneuvers. Eh, Sergeant-Major ?"

"Quite."

Ahh, the things he did for the Fatherland…

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"Lucy, Lucy," Shippou whispered nervously, "it's this way."

Lucy had never seen a walking tree and wanted to see where it was going, but Shippou sounded so earnest that she quickly turned to follow him.

"Now where'd you say we were going?"

"To my fox hole. It's nothing special, but it's still home."

Once inside, Lucy ran amuck, pulling down scrolls and squealing at his collection of pine cones. "Would you like tea," he inquired as she ran back and forth across the room. He was going to offer her cake, but thought better of it.

When he returned with the tea, he caught her drawing on the wall with a crayon and had to slap her on the wrist and take them away.

While Lucy was temporarily subdued, sitting by the fire and drinking her tea, Shippou took out his shakuhachi and began to play. He paused for a moment, "watch the fire, my dear Lucy. I'll make it dance for you." He took up the shakuhachi again and Lucy gazed into the flames with a blank expression. A few minutes passed and he thought he saw her eyelids drooping. He smiled a smug little smile.

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"Mr. Shippou, do wake up! Do I have to keep staring at the fire? My eyeballs are awfully dry and I still don't see any dancers."

Shippou was startled out of sleep by her high-pitched whining. "Oh, oh, my," he sputtered, "but you were supposed to…" He trailed off.

Suddenly, tears welled up in his eyes and he fell forward against Lucy's knees. "Forgive me, Lucy," he wailed, "for I meant to kidnap you!"

"Shippou," Lucy began uncertainly, "why would you do a thing like that?"

"I'm so sorry," he sobbed, "I'm a spy for the dark lord, Naraku, and he says we must bring any Sons of Adam or Daughters of Eve to him immediately." He wiped his nose on the edge of her skirt. She placed a comforting hand on his furry little head.

"Oh that's okay. I was worried you were going to say you were a child predator."

"I'm not sure what you mean by that," Shippou looked up at her happily, "but why don't we get some paper and color with my crayons. I can draw pretty rainbows."

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"Shippou has failed you again" Kanna droned into the mirror. _And why doesn't he ever let me play with his crayons. What am I, chopped liver?_

Naraku let out a long-suffering sigh. Punishing Kitsunes just didn't do it for him anymore. He could only hope that things would liven up soon.

He turned back to his guest. What a tiresome fellow. He'd been here a week and Naraku's patience was wearing thin. Normally, he could wait a century if he needed to, but ten minutes with Rudolph Hess and he needed to crush something. He wished he hadn't killed all Hess's party members so quickly.

Hess sighed inwardly. Naraku was ignoring him again. He had been here a week now, and he wasn't getting anywhere. A few months ago, when he had found the files about the wardrobe and Naraku, it seemed he had a perfect plan, one guaranteed to win back the Fuhrer's favor.

Hitler wanted a thousand year Reich, what better way than to start 500 years in the past? Hess would meet with Naraku and enter an agreement. He would give him modern weapons, and Naraku would give Germany a battalion of demons. Hitler would repel his enemies in the modern world and help Naraku conquer the world in the 16th century. Somehow it wasn't working; he didn't have anything Naraku wanted.

He tried once again to interest Naraku in accurate maps of Korea. "You see the advantage, surely? You can't move troops without knowing the terrain?" He could tell Naraku wasn't listening.

"Tell me about these Messy-things" Naraku commanded. "Why do I need them?"

"The Messerschmidts? Beautiful planes! You can fly over the country in a day, gather intelligence..."

Naraku snapped his fingers. A swarm of demon wasps popped out of a void.

"Ah, but an insect, Lord Naraku? So fragile, you know. The moth to the flame?"

Naraku snapped his fingers again. The swarm started to circle a lamp. There was a loud buzz that became the scream of a dentists drill biting into a blackboard and the lamp exploded. The wasps lifted from the wreckage and began circling Naraku in a satisfied manner. One wasp settled familiarly on Hess's shoulder.

**TBC**


	3. Pretty Maids All in a Row

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Narnia are the property of the respective copyright holders.**

**Chapter 3: Pretty Maids All in a Row**

**by Raven Dhancer**

To remain unobserved, the Sergeant-Major cautiously lead his detachment into the house through the coal chute. As the squad tracked coal dust through the house, Schmidt realized this was not, perhaps, his most glorious plan. This was confirmed by Miss Kenton, "Yer barmy baboons! Wadda yer thinkin'? Yon maids just scrubbed tha floor!"

Sure enough, six maid servants were aligned behind the housekeeper, each more dour than the last. Lacking the skill of the maids, the skill and the knee calluses earned by decades of scrubbing, it took the squad several hours to return the hallways to their previous pristine state.

"My hands 'll ne'er be the same," said Private Hughes brandishing his chapped and bleeding hams. "Ole Bossy will stomp me fer sure."

Afterterwards the maids had the squad down to the hall for "tea".

Schmidt tried to break up the party but once the corporal pulled out his squeeze box it was a lost cause, and Hughes had quite the voice. If only he had been singing "Deutschland Uber Alles" instead of something about an actress and a bishop to the vast amusement of the other yokels.

The wardrobe was not obtained on that day. The Sergeant-Major retired to his lodgings to compose a report to his superiors, his real superiors, that properly covered his shapely, even if he did say so himself, buttocks and enjoy a hot bath.

Of course, there was no hot water because of the black out, not that Schmidt ever knew.

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"Oh no! Mr. Shippou has been taken," Lucy exclaimed in her high-pitched squeal of a voice. Sango covered the ear closest to her and cringed. After the ringing subsided, she explained, "yes, I'm afraid he has. Myoga reported that he'd been swept up and carried away by a strange demon which smelled of Naraku."

"Oh no!" Lucy squealed again, dancing around.

"You have a powerful weapon there, child," Kaede told her, "but perhaps you should save your voice for when it is needed. And it will be needed! We will all go to war to fight for control of Narnia soon!" Kaede raised her arm in the air in front of her with her wrist stiffly angled towards the sky. "Hail to Narnia," she shouted.

Sango and Miroku looked curiously at her. "Who taught you that? Is that the sign for Inuyasha?"

"Never mind ye," Kaede shook her head and ducked back into the hut.

"Lucy, we must gather your brothers and sister and find Inuyasha. Naraku's spies are everywhere and we hear he is after all the humans," Sango paused to swat at a large insect buzzing near her ear, "Susan will be arriving any minute on Kirara and Kouga agreed to retrieve your brothers."

"But, but," Lucy managed to look adorably confused.

"What is it, Lucy?"

"You three are human, right? Why doesn't this Naraku want you three?"

"Hmmm," Sango turned to Miroku, "why are these otherworlders so important, Houshi?"

"I think it's the British accents. Something in the prophecy about otherworlders with accents, plus you four are…"

Before he could finish, a loud "hullo" interrupted the conversation as Kouga skidded to a stop before them. Peter was riding on his back.

"Peter," Lucy squealed and Kouga winced, "you're here! But wherever is Edmund?"

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Back at the castle, Hess was starting to fell hopeful. He had persuaded Naraku to accept a battalion of Panzers. Naraku had had good experience with the Group of Seven and thought he could find a use for more. There was one small problem, the matter of support units.

"These other humans" Naraku was saying, "I suppose they are infantry, scouts... What are the trucks for? What are mechanics?"

Hess thought. "Well" he said, "they keep the tanks running you know, if they get damaged, or need repairs."

"Repair? Damage? By what?" Naraku laughed, "Peasants with sticks?"

"Well, you need to keep them maintained, if they break down, the fuel systems need to be checked-" He trailed off. Naraku was looking irritated.

"They break down? Then you'll give me more, right? Right?" Naraku leaned forward. "And what's a fuel system? What are the trucks for?"

"Petrol" Hess squeeked. "It's for..." In that moment, Hess realized he was doomed. Naraku might want tanks, but he realized how much it took to run them? Hess's skull might make a nice lamp. He thought wildly. "For the flame throwers! The truck drivers have flame throwers! Oh you should see them Naraku-sama riding in a line flaming the enemy!"

"They throw flame?"

"It shoots from their eyes! A fearsome sight!" Holey shit. "And the mechanics, you should see them! They're 4 meters tall! They have giant wrenches and steel hooks! And claws and giant blades and ..."

"I wonder" mused Naraku "how we'll get them through the wardrobe. Can they be disassembled perhaps?"

With visions of fiery eyeballs dancing in his head, Naraku personally escorted the despicable human Hess to the entrance of the wardrobe. 

"You don't think…" Hess paused and ducked his head shyly. Naraku could have sworn he was blushing.

"What is it?" Naraku asked, trying his best to insert a hint of irritation in. It was a chore, really, since Hess left him feeling strangely flat.

"Oh it's nothing." Hess shrugged, unable to muster the bravery to proposition Naraku. He tried his best to hide his disappointment.

"And you'll be sending the 'flame-throwers' through when exactly." Hess had been a little iffy on the details.

"I'll be in touch," Hess gave him a relieved smile just before he slipped through the doorway of the wardrobe.

A slimy appendage wrapped itself around his waist and jerked him back. "You do that," Naraku hissed as Hess found himself face to face with the darkly handsome demon.

Hess gibbered convincingly enough for Naraku and Hess found himself hurtled head first through the doorway of the wardrobe. He landed in a heap against the far wall of the room with a piercing shriek. 

Kukukuku….

Hess could have sworn he heard eerie laughter coming from the wardrobe.

Hess did a few quick measurements in his head. Yes, his plan did indeed have a few serious holes. No tanks would be penetrating that tiny wardrobe entrance that was for certain, though it might have been fun to try.

He was about to give up on the whole idea and cut his losses, when he had a flash of inspiration. Some of that experimental new sound and vortex weaponry would disassemble right nicely.

He mentally patted himself on the shoulder. His shaky alliance with Naraku might prove useful after all.

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Sango felt something brush against her backside and ignored it. A few seconds later, there was another, firmer touch and she whirled around, reading to slam her Hiraikotsu down on the houshi's flat head.

She came face to face with a red-faced blond with a boyish smile.

"So, are you game?" He gave her a sly wink.

Sango glared. She was a demon hunter, a hard life and when time came to relax, time to fend off the wandering hands of the wandering monk. No time for love. No time to relax. No time...like the present. She sighed.

"Come on.", she said as she dragged Peter off.

A little while later a tenor voice could be heard saying "I say! Your head doesn't half smell like horse!"

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First thing when Naraku got back to the castle, he changed into his old clothes. He relaxed and put his tentacles up. You know, he thought, it was nice to have guests, but then it was always such a relief to finally put them on the ox-cart home. Or in Hess's case, fling them bodily out of your dimension. He sipped his tea.

He was going to have fun with all his new toys. The flame throwers, the mechanics. He thought the Shuggoths would be fun; why hadn't Hess mentioned them right off? The Megos from Yuggoth definitely sounded promising. What else had he bought? You know how it is, you go in prepared to buy one thing and you end up with a whole shopping cart. Why had he negotiated the Hyborean Barbarians? It wasn't like he needed them, but they sounded so stylish! Mounted on the Pelucidan Mahars, with them at his back, he'd make an entrance, if anybody ever invited him anywhere. Anyway, Hitler never went anywhere without them, Hess had assured him.

Something else occurred to him. Hess, that nimwit, he thought. He went off without his deposit. Can't have him coming back!

Naraku sent a tentacle to open a drawer, another drawer, another drawer, poking inside. He found the scissors eventually, Not Where He Left Them! Extruding pods of psychic essence, he started snipping them off with the scissors. Ping, splat, a demon popped into the air. He quickly assembled a company of demons, then grabbing an extra large pod, gave a huge hack. Thwack! The company commander, a demon that turned out to be a long eel-like orange striped fanged horror, flew off in an arc that landed him in the middle of the far wall. The Lelosfh gathered himself up and slithered over. "Your Orderth Naraku-thama?" he lithped.

"Say it, don't spray it" said Naraku hopelessly. "You must find the creature Hess and assist him in delivering my new warriors!"

"Find Hethethth! Find Hethth! Find Hethetheth!" the demons chorused wetly as they swarmed off over the hills towards the wardrobe.

**TBC**


	4. Evil Ensues

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Narnia are the property of the respective copyright holders.**

**Chapter 4: Evil Ensues**

**by Raven Dhancer**

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Buyo pursued the luscious calico pussy around the shrine. He just wasn't taking no for an answer. Fortunately, for her virtue, her ample beauty was matched only by Buyo's girth and she was able to keep ahead of him, though just barely. Evil darted into a small, to a monkey, building then, too late, realized her error. The zaftig beauty was cornered.

"Come out, Hot Stuff. I have something for you," mewed Buyo, nearly causing Evil to hack up a hairball and reveal her position.

There was tall square thing in the middle of the building. Trying to gain some protective height, Evil heaved her self up on it only to find emptiness. She scrabbled at the rim but couldn't get a sufficient grip to halt her plummet. There was a flash of blue and she touched down, not as heavily as she feared during those belly wrenching moments she was airborne.

She was at the bottom of a hole, no way she was getting out any time soon so the furry beauty curled up for a nap.

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The swarming of Naraku's new demons down the well and out through the wardrobe awoke Evil. The big bugs seemed to know where they were going so she followed. Worst case she could eat some. She loved the taste of chitin in the morning.

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Awaking to a pounding in his head like the throb of the drums of some lesser people, Schmidt groggily opened his eyes. He was tied up in what looked like the servant's hall at the Manor. Rudolph Hess was next to him.

Miss Kenton strode in followed by his detachment. "What's the meaning of this outrage?" he assayed.

Miss Kenton was having none of it. "Shut your pie-hole, Schmidt!" she snapped in aristocratic tones. "I've had my eye on you since the beginning."

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"A kitty!" Rin squealed as she bounded off through the snow after a multi-colored blur.

"Naraku's insects," Sesshoumaru muttered under his breath. He turned quickly in the girl's direction and gave chase.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, here is the lice treatment you asked for. I found the herbs close by." Jaken toddled into the now empty clearing. "Sesshoumaru-sama?" Jaken looked around, wondering where the two could have gotten off to so quickly. He'd just left them a few minutes before.

"Hm, I sensed Sesshoumaru-sama's brother near by. He must have gone after him."

Jaken looked around for Rin, peering under bushes and behind trees.

"Rin, Sesshoumaru-sama has told you time and time again not to hide from poor Jaken." When she didn't respond, he called out in a falsetto voice, "Come out, come out, wherever you are…" Strangely, there was not response. Usually, this was enough to send the girl into a fit of giggles.

Jaken whispered something unpleasant-sounding before he stated loudly, "Well, I'm going to check on Sesshoumaru-sama. Rin, YOU stay put…wherever you are."

Ah un was gone, undoubtedly hiding with Rin. It made Jaken's head hurt to try and imagine how Rin had managed to hide the dragon as well. "And Ah uh," he yelled into the trees, "Stay with the girl or no kibble for you tonight!"

A half-hour later, Jaken was bound and gagged, being carried off by the swiftly moving sleigh.

"Are you really a frogman?"

A little girl who reminded him of Rin was inching closer.

_Please gods no! _Jaken tried unsuccessfully to scoot backwards. It was a wasted effort, soon she was within inches of her face and he could smell the candy on her breath.

"Why are your eyes are so big?" poke "Will you be my friend? My name's Lucy. You're just the right size? Are you nice like Mr. Shippou? Why are you all green? It must not be easy. Do you have crayons? Can you tell me a story? Why don't you have any hair? Is that a hat? What kind of…."

Jaken panicked and began to struggle desperately in his bonds. Suddenly, he was hauled him up by the collar and he found himself face to face with Inuyasha. Jaken sagged with relief.

"Stop your squirming, I'll release you soon enough, but we don't need the likes of you squealing our whereabouts," Inuyasha spat. Jaken flinched. "And you'll be fighting with us, or else." Inuyasha made the 'slit throat' sign accompanied by a pretend strangled sound.

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"Rin," Sesshoumaru made a quick grab for her as she ducked into some sort of portal after the feline. A moment later, he and Rin had tumbled out of a wooden door and into a strange room. He looked down to find an oddly colored cat in his lap.

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Mrs. Kenton, actually Major Kenton, gazed at the two germans tied up before her. She had been stationed here to keep an eye on the Wardrobe, and on Jii-Chan. The Japanese had been taken on by the War Dept. at the beginning of the war as a translator. He had gotten himself promoted to under-cover work and had proven himself on several missions. Just why he had run off here to poke around the estate needed explanation. Later.

"All right" Kenton said flatly, "Here's the game. You are both spies. As this is wartime, I can have you both shot without trial, on the spot. However. I want to know what is going on. So the first of you two who tells me the long and short gets to spend the rest of the war in a POW camp. The other has seen his last sunrise."

"But of course" replied Hess coolly, "ve are both trained agents of ze Reich. Ve knew ze risks and are prepared to pay ze price. However, thank you for describing ze game so concisely for ze benefit of those who may be listening at home."

"In that case, who wants to be shot first?" inquired Kenton, adding "and where?"

"I would like to be shot in a beer garden in Dusseldorf!" volunteered Schmidt.

"No! But thank you for playing and you have won the home version of the execution squad!"

"Zat vill not be necessary" said a voice, "I have a better idea."

"Hauptkuhbumser Ford!" cried Hess, as a tall black-clad figure entered the room, casually holding a lugar. "Your timing isht impeccable as alwayst." If the Hauptkuhbumser was here, the estate was under the control of the crack commandos of the Kuhbumser Squad. "I assume ze estate isht now under ze control of ze crack commandos of ze Kuhbumser Squad?"

"But, und yah!" Ford replied.

Soon Major Kenton was tied up below stairs with the rest of the household. Hess wasn't sure what to do with them. Nothing was going quite right and Hess suspected he might need hostages before the night was out.

"Schmidt, give me a report" Hess said.

"All is ready" Schmidt said. "The bridge is destroyed, isolating the estate and the field is clear to land the plane. You should have 3 maids, one housekeeper, the home guard soldiers, the professor, his four nieces and nephews (two above the age of consent), and a Japanese gardener all held prisoner?"

The Hauptkuhbumser scowled. "We have only the servants, the home guard and professor." he growled, stress making his accent temporarily disappear. "Also ve have not got ze gardener. Ve must find zem; othervise ze plan isht in jeopardy!"

"I'll take 'Are we really screwed?' for $500" muttered Hess.

Wanting to look his best, Schmidt pulled out his glass eye and polished it on his wool sleeve.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Home Guard, who had not impressed Hauptkuhbumser Ford in any good way, were locked in the pantry while the staff were shut in the wine cellar.

The Two commandos guarding them were easy prey for the wily Professor.

"Please, no," cried the Professor, nudging a sizable bottle with his ample nose. "Don't touch my 20 year old peach schnapps."

"Peach schnapps ist mein Liebling!" cried one of the guards.

"Ze good deutsche schnapps ist not for ze englisch schweinhund!" cried the other.

"Noooooo!" wailed the professor as the bottle level dropped precipitously.

For whatever reason, the KuhBumser had not thoroughly searched the maids so, as the guards giggled happily, Privates Doe and Rose pulled knives from their garters freeing themselves and the other prisoners. Gilly and the Major stripped the hapless Germans while Doe and Rose donned their uniforms. The professor could only bemoan the loss of his schnapps.

Gilly, the only real maid locked in the wine cellar, had been rooming with Rose, "Ooh, ye seen my bits and pieces; it's only fair ye show me yours."

Private Rose (formerly Rosenstein) was a nice Jewish boy who's mother had sheltered him from the wiles of worldly women. He blushed.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Up in the attics, Private Smith gathered Sadie under one arm and Hetty under the other. After their exertions on the antique mattress, they all needed a nap.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Ooh, there's the kitty!" said Rin making a grab for Evil.

"Ooh, zere ist einen japanischen Pansy," mimicked an unfortunate KuhBumser from the squad just arriving to guard the wardrobe.

Sesshoumaru-sama did not know exactly what the black clad human said but he got the tones well enough.

**TBC**


	5. Planes, Flames and Poetry

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Narnia are the property of the respective copyright holders.**

**Chapter 5: Planes, Flames and Poetry**

**by Raven Dhancer**

The Ju 52 trimotor sputtered a bit as it flew in low across the English channel. The pilot casually flicked his cigarette out the tiny cockpit window and gave a kick to the instrument panel. The sputtering stopped briefly but resumed again on a slightly lower note. The pilot shrugged, not to worry, they had plenty of fuel and it didn't matter if some local farmers saw them.

The plane was flying out of the low countries towards its objective, the tiny town of Toot on the Batch, right on schedule and its disguise was undetectable. Its paint had been refurbished with a diabolically clever yellow in place of its usual mottled green and it bore advertisements for Dreem Toothpaste blazoned along its sides and towed a banner saying, "Dentist on the job." Hitler himself had approved the design.

With a quick glance at the map lying on the seat beside him, the pilot banked the plane to follow the small river known as the Batch. The manor house was just across some fields up ahead and it was with a muted roar that the plane came down to make rather heavy landing in the largest of them.

As he lit another cigarette, the pilot looked out to see a rather large-looking bull with a ring through it's nose making its way across the field in a slightly irritated manner. The pilots lips curved in a narrow-lipped and slightly cruel smile. The bull would soon know what it meant to get in the way of the solders of the Third Rich.

"Heil Hitler," he murmured to the bull by way of greeting and tossed his lit match out the window. The dry gorse that the match hit promptly burst into flame. "Oopsie," he said unconcernedly, it was the second time this week that such a thing had happened. Maybe he needed an ashtray, something colorful and ceramic, featuring little blue birds and maybe a bunny.

Unimpeded, the translucent flames took root.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Back at the palace, Naraku was cleaning his throne collection. He had too many, he'd be the first to admit that. He couldn't take care of them all, let alone display them all. They were all so tightly packed in a back room, you couldn't get to half of them even to dust. You had to drag them out in the corridor.

He had gotten, though stolen would have been a better word, most of his collection from a peasant village he had visited. It had had the most run-down wattle and daub huts he had ever seen. There wasn't actually any daub to speak of; it was really just wattle and more wattle. And piled inside them was throne after throne after throne. Carved ebony and ivory, stone thrones, porcelain thrones with lids, bamboo thrones with great flaring backs. Even a much abused jeweled throne with great big sandal marks on it.

Naraku had flipped out. "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones!" he had cried, before killing everybody in the village. (He was probably going to do that anyway. He didn't get out much except for village slaughtering, and it was starting to bother him. He felt he might be in a rut.)

He finished dusting the back row. He needed more space, he thought. If he could split them up a bit he might be better able to take care of them.

"Mimsy?" He summoned his evil dwarf. "Mimsy? Ah, there you are. What were you doing?"

"Mucking out the unicorns, boss"

"That explains the virgin cleaning equipment. Look, I want to rearrange this room. Let's move these thrones into the throne room, leave the rest and then we can rotate a bit. And find somewhere to stash the four thrones I've put out in the hall."

"Right, boss. You gonna want'em back, boss?"

" I'll want them in the spring. If winter ever ends around here. Why?"

Mimsy shrugged. "Most stuff, I just chuck it down the well, boss."

"Good thing you asked. Yes I want them back." He paused. "Mimsy, what the hell did you do with all that furniture from the west wing restoration?"

"Chucked it down the well, boss."

"I thought the room looked more airy."

"Much better, boss."

"You throw out my thrones, you're dead."

"Right-o, boss. I'll stick'em the shed, OK?"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Back at the house, the phone rang in the hall. Ford answered it.

"Ya?"

A scratchy voice said, "This is long distance from New York."

"Ya. From Berlin too."

Another voice came on the line. "Hey, Professor, this is Benny. Good news! I finally sold that 15th century Japanese escritoire for you!"

"Do you haf any idea vot time it isht here?"

"Two in the afternoon?"

"Nien!"

"Naa, that can't be right, it's nine here."

"Dummkopf! I regret der Professor is unable to come to ze phone as he isht being attacked by Nazis. Count yourself lucky ve aren't at war vit you also! Gute Nacht!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sesshoumaru-sama's staredown with the german in the wardrobe room did not last long. A few seconds gaze summed up the situation in his mind. The german reached for his bumserkauph but the whip was already in the air and the soldier was cut in two straight up the middle. As the two halves fell gently apart Sesshoumaru brought the whip back in the flat figure eight of infinity, slicing each half into thirds to fall in a neat half circle, and as a final flourish, used the follow through to immerse the whip in the blood cloud, and slashing out in a complicated wave, inscribed a seven line poem concerning falling leaves on the wall.

Rin tugged on his robe. "Now you'll bring him back with Tenseiga, right?" She gazed up at him innocently.

The demon lord paused. He was reflecting on the troubles of keeping a small child in a world full of violence, much of which he caused. He thought about justice and the burden of wielding a power of life and death. He thought about the problems of maintaining a light tone in what is supposed to be a happy tale for the kiddies, although with just enough smut to keep the parents entertained. He studied the poem. He had misspelled autumn.

"This Sesshoumaru shall restore the peasant." he observed. "Then Rin shall depart back through the portal to her own time. If that's alright with you?"

Rin nodded. Sesshoumaru rolled up the whip and drew the sword. Assembling his power, he brought the sword round and the corpse reassembled but lay inert on the floor. Sesshoumaru was puzzled.

"You missed a bit." said Rin helpfully. Sesshoumaru turned around. There was a chunk in the corner. Sesshoumaru lunged, impaling it on the end of Tenseiga. Then, keeping his back to the corpse, he uttered a brief "wupp!" and flipped the chunkit over his shoulder in a gentle arc, following the path with his gaze. He had rather misjudged it and the body part overshot badly, but luckily it bounced off the wall, landing pretty much by the body. "I meant to do that", he lied. He gave it another poke and this time the german arose. Sesshoumaru turned to Rin expectantly.

Rin and the cats climbed back through the wardrobe. Sesshoumaru watched them go and then sheathed his sword and reached once more for his whip. "Now where were we?" he mused. But he was soon interrupted.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Naraku's demons swarmed up and down the corridors of the manor and then outside without much purpose. If truth be told, they were just enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, mainly the fresh air. Life as one of the multitude of Naraku's sub-tentacle _things_ was really no life at all.

But, there's always one in every crowd who has to ruin it for everybody. Jyoruko was all about the mission, "Naraku orders this, Naraku orders that." The others would have eaten her if they hadn't feared Naraku finding out. Not that Naraku, or anyone else, cared about Jyoruko but he was a bit persnickety about minions following orders and would get quite testy when he felt said minions might have been thinking about revolting. (Not that these minions were much for thinking and they were always revolting.)

Anyways, after buzzing the field a couple of times, Jyorko got them all turned around and headed back into the manor, much to the relief of the bull. The pilot would have been relieved, too, if he had been conscious.

They clicking, hissing, spitting, stinging cloud of demons went to find Hess but it's a little known fact that to most arthropods humans all look alike and Jyoruko and the others were no different in this respect. Plus of course, Naraku had never bothered to formally introduce them to Hess.

**TBC**

**17-20**


	6. New Friends and Old

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Narnia are the property of the respective copyright holders.**

**Chapter 6: New Friends and Old**

**by Raven Dhancer**

"Where's Edmund?" Lucy wondered aloud, "Was he at breakfast this morning?"

"Hm, come to think of it…he wasn't," Susan mumbled through the ramen she was shoveling into her mouth. "Do you have any more of this stuff? I just can't seem to get enough of it." Susan gestured toward her now empty bowl of ramen and then back toward towards the strapping, young Japanese gardener.

"You mean there's another human roaming around here somewhere? Why didn't you tell me that before, you dumb bitch!"

"What did you call me?" Susan jumped up and advanced on Inuyasha. She placed her hands on her hips and stamped her foot.

"I call 'em as I seem 'em." Susan and Inuyasha were both yelling now and Sango, Miroku, Jii-chan and Lucy retreated a safe distance. Peter stayed to watch. Don't judge him.

"Susan certainly knows how to stand her ground." Miroku commented. _And then some_, he thought lecherously, _why can't I get Sango that angry anymore. It's damn sexy._

"I hope they'll be able to work things out on their own, I doubt that Kagome and Jaken will be back anytime soon. When those two scout ahead, it seems like they're gone for hours," Sango commented. Miroku gave her a funny look.

"Yeah," he snorted, "those _scouting_ sessions are rather long, aren't they?"

"Osuwari!" Susan's high-pitched squeal caught them all by surprise.

"Huh, nothing happened, that's funny." Inuyasha looked around him, making certain he hadn't been thrown to the ground, his brows knitting in confusion. One did become immune to that sort of thing given time. "Oh yeah, you're not Kagome. You're prettier than her anyway." Susan blushed and gave him a coy look.

A moment later the two of them were rolling together across the grass of the clearing. "Oh Inuyasha," Susan moaned.

"Why is Inuyasha putting his hand up Susan's shirt," Lucy cried before a hand was placed firmly over her eyes and she was dragged away. "And what was that funny thing that Inuyasha's eyebrows were doing before. It reminded me of when my grandmother used to…"

"Don't speak of that!" Sango snapped as she tried to distract Lucy with a ride on her back.

"Wheeee…"

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at the soldier struggling to his feet before him.

"Wha – was I dead?" He wiped his sweaty brow with his sleeve and gave Sesshoumaru a bewildered look.

His eyes bulged as he caught sight of something just beyond the demon lord…..

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

In the wine cellar, the Professor and the Major put their heads together. The Major was for sending a couple of people to sneak out and raise the alarm, but the Professor was against it.

"They'd never make it." He declared, "I'm sure the place is surrounded. But I have a plan. There is another way out, via the second floor."

"A priest's hole?" guessed the Major "I never knew. This house isn't old enough, surely."

"It's not a priest's hole, though it's similar" smirked the Professor, adding "and I'll thank you not to call me Shirley."

They crept cautiously up the stairs into the back hall. At the pantry they had a problem. Ford was out of sight but not out of ear-shot. Again the Professor surprised them, this time by stepping forward and kicking the pantry door in soundlessly.

"Just a little trick I picked up when I was in silent movies." He explained modestly, "of course, when the talkies came in, that was it for my career."

They quickly freed the Home Guard and headed upstairs, the Major leading followed by the professor, a maid and the two soldiers bring up the rear. They had reached the second floor, when a scream came from down the hall. This was echoed by shouts from downstairs and upstairs as the Germans were alerted.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ford had been conferring with Hess in the front hall. Suddenly Hess fell silent, staring at something beyond Ford's shoulder.

"Hethth, Hethth, we want Hethth!" sprayed the demons.

Hess stepped forward, thinking quickly. "I am Spartacus!" he said.

Ford rolled his eyes, turned, saw a hallway full of demons and screamed.

More screams echoed from upstairs and shouts from all over the house.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Damn and Blast" shouted the Major, "That'll raise an alarm. What's up!"

"We'll soon find out" said the Professor, "that scream came from the room we're heading to. We can't rescue the attic contingent now; must dash."

Surprise lost, they sped down the corridor bursting in on Sesshoumaru facing off the reviving guard. Sesshoumaru, not pleased at being interrupted, spat out a very angry stream of Japanese which seemed to go straight over the heads of the crowd. Fortunately the Professor had picked up some Japanese from his antiquarian business ventures and the Major had a bit of Japanese too from Jii-Chan. They managed to stumble out the suitable honorifics.

The professor looked around "I say! That was Victorian floral wallpaper! It's had it now!" He stared a bit, translating the wall, "As ye sew, so shall ye rake? Oh, I see! Oh very good! And nice use of metaphor, although I think-"

He was interrupted by a shot from the corridor. Rose crumpled to the floor as the germans started to crowd in. Sesshoumaru moved toward the door, whip at the ready. Abandoning the poetry symposium, the Professor started to drag the Major to the wardrobe. She had barely time to cry "In there? Are you mad?" before she was through the door and cutoff by the blue flash. The rest of the party crowded through leaving Sesshoumaru facing the germans over the fallen Rose. 

Sesshoumaru paused. What to do. Disembowling Dragon maneuver? Dismembering Flock Of Geese maneuver? He finally settled on an old favorite One Man Abbatoire Cuts Steaks For Party of Twenty At Table Seven and was just starting the wind-up when Rin stuck her head through the wardrobe door. "What are you doing? Are you coming soon?" she asked sweetly.

Cursing inwardly, Sesshoumaru quickly switched to the much less effective maneuver, The Happy Bunny Gets A New Friend. Sufficient to gain a moments respite, he grabbed Rose and turned and dived through the wardrobe. The whip lashed out again as he left, writing "Not in front of the kiddies" on the wall. As it was written using the blood of two freshly collapsing germans, pursuit was stymied.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Inuyasha's ears perked up as he caught the scent of ramen boiling over the fire. "Rarrr," his stomach rumbled and he decided that if simple, uncomplicated happiness had an odor, ramen would be it.

He sat there thinking how smoothly things seemed to be going, when another, fouler scent invaded his senses.

_Naraku!_

"Ku ku ku, Inuyasha I see you have found some new friends." Everyone turned in the direction of Naraku's silky voice.

"Edmund! What have you done with my brother?" Lucy wailed.

Edmund stood there beside Naraku's baboon-pelted puppet, dull-eyed, holding some sort of small scythe-like weapon across his shoulders. He was dressed in black leather from head to toe. Susan noticed a strange pink glowing thing was lodged in his left shoulder.

"Edmund, I always knew you were weird, but I'd never thought you'd be into, you know…" Peter trailed off as Edmund began to move toward him. He stepped quickly behind Susan and Edmund followed. He held out his hand towards Peter and Susan.

"Get away from me you reckless brat," Peter screamed as he ducked below Susan's shoulders. "Quick, Inuyasha, you must kill Edmund. He's out of control. He will slaughter us all!"

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sesshoumaru couldn't resist snatching a fur from just inside the wardrobe as he was leaving. His own had been looking rather bedraggled lately, especially after that encounter with PETA.

The professor closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. He was finally back, after all these years. He wondered if Sango was still around. What a spitfire!

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Back in the field, the pilot was awakened by a chorus of shouts.

"Get water from the stream! Quick!"

"Nevermind that, use your coats! Beat out those flames."

He cautiously opened one eye. His view was blocked by a huge face a few inches from his own. He half screamed and the man jumped back.

"I say" the man shouted, "Steady on!"

The pilot sat up and looked around. The flying eel things seemed to be gone, but now there was a crowd of men beating at the flames and trying to extiguish the gorse. His own ministering angel was a smallish man in his late 40's. He had a pot helmet on his head.

"Better lie back down, old man. You've had a bit of a shock. Crashing in this field! You don't seem to have any visible wounds, plane looks in pretty good nick, too."

He started to walk round the plane, whistling to himself. "Dreem toothpaste, eh? Don't use it myself. Drop'em in glass at the end of the day, don'cha know?"

He came back and stared at the pilot. "So, let's have name rank and serial number, Fritz." he said flatly.

"Vell, poop!" stammered the pilot "Looks like ze jig isht up! Very vell. Major Franz Von Stubbing-Horst, at your service. I can't remember my serial number but it's written on ze inside of my collar!"

"Damn me!" cried the man, "I knew it had to be you! Good old Sparky Stubbing! You remember me surely, I'm Lt. Witdbotham?"

"Vot? Old Wiggles Witdbotham? Mine Gott! Vell, isn't this a shmall vorld vor!"

"How have you been, old boy?"

"Oh, you know, comme ci, comme ça, can't complain. After all, it isht verbotten!" he said.

"I haven't seen you since the prisoner exchange on the Somme in 1918! Never thought I'd see again in this life!"

"Oh, poor old Wiggles! You were almost right..." Franz took a step forward, drawing a knife from under his tunic. It flashed once quickly.

"Yes well, I'm going to have to take you in you know! I'm afraid, for you the war is over."

"No, Wiggles! For you the war is over!" The knife flashed again.

"With these eyes? The war's been over for me for a long time. Um, I say Franz, could you stop waving that knife around? Hate to make a fuss; we are in a blackout. Say, is that my old knife?"

"Ya" said Franz, "And now I can return it - personally!"

"Oh, well. Very kind." Witdbotham folded up the knife and stuck it in a pocket. "You needn't have come all this way just for that. I say, fancy a drink, before I turn you in? Strictly non-U of course, but between old friends..."

"Ya! I could murder a scotch." They wandered off leaving the rest of the squad to finish dousing the flames. "Vhat did you mean you thought it vas me?"

"Just a feeling, just a feeling. Did you know," said Witdbotham, as they disappeared into the distance "that in the history of the Great War there was exactly one case of a brush fire in the middle of a flooded trench, 'Sparky'?"

"One that they know about, 'Wiggles'" replied Franz.

**TBC**

**21-24**


End file.
